Yahoo's Most Poopular: Telepathetic maybe

Here's a most-popular picture today:

Cambodian mechanic Nhean Phaloek sits in his self-designed home-made Angkor 333-2010 car at his house in Phnom Penh. The gold-coloured convertible turns heads on impoverished Cambodia's roads -- not least because of creator Nhean Phaloek's outlandish claim that it can be operated telepathically.(AFP/Tang Chhin Sothy)

Hmm... Methinks Nhean is confused about the word "telepathy," which means to communicate or control something with your mind. A telepathic car, of course, wouldn't have that steering wheel. I think I know the word you meant to use for what kind of car you have there, Mr. Phaloek.

It's "regular."

Or possibly "golf cart."

Yahoo's Most Poopular: Burkey

THIS, dear readers, this is precisely why I am so fascinated by the Yahoo's Most Popular Feature. Think of the myriad possibilities for photographic presentation even on your unpalatable planet: occurrences of nature's splendor, informative instances of newsworthy topics, other members of your species that you somehow are able to find physically desirous.

But instead of any of these things, what photograph is currently attracting the most attention of humans, eyes, hearts and minds? This one:


A photograph of turkey, wrapped in bacon.

There is nothing the human race would rather look at at this precise moment in history than the cooked carcass of a fowl, sheathed in salty stripes of flash from a slain swine.

What must it be like to be a member of a species that must ingest food to live, yet constantly craves food that will hasten your demise? How do you endure this inner turmoil? Does it make you hate yourselves as much as I hate you? I think it must do.

So while your Earthen economy crumbles, human vs. human wars rage across your globe, please continue to use your feeble mental facilities to find new things to wrap bacon around. It amuses me to see you suffer so.

Alton brown wears gray and tan, yet is not the tackiest person in the picture

From the following photo at Yahoo's Most Popular:


The caption: This undated photo courtesy of the Food Network shows chef Bobby Flay, from left, and White House chef Cristeta Comerford, Alton Brown, first lady Michelle Obama, chef Mario Batali and chef Emeril Lagasse. An episode of 'Iron Chef America' will be taped at the White House pitting Flay and Comerford against Batali and Lagasse. The episode aris Jan. 3, 2010.

CHEF MARIO BATALI: Is it appropriate for me to wear my silly plastic crocs while visiting the White House?

FOOD NETWORK EXECUTIVES: Yes, but only if they match the first lady's dress.

CHEF MARIO BATALI: Great! Also, I won't be wearing pants.

You're all class, MB.

Yahoo's Most Poopular: The Eyes of Kugagulon

On today's visit to Yahoo's Most Popular, I was absolutely delighted to see the picture posted below.

The caption reads: "This photo taken Oct. 4, 2009 shows pugs Mochi, left, and Olive posing for a photo dressed in their Halloween costumes at flowers at their home in Huntington Beach Calif. The stepsisters have been geisha girls, surfer girls and sushi over the years. They may not understand the tradition, but 'pugs understand positive energy,' explained dog owner, partner and costume designer Lisa Woodruff."

Ha ha ha - NOT TRUE!

I absolutely should not be telling you this, but this particular image tickles me beyond the point of reason. The creatures you see in this picture are not, as you have always presumed, and offshoot branch of the canine family, descended from wolfy ancestors. Nay! They are instead, alien spies from the planet Kugagulon, sent to observe and report on your planet, much as I have been. Unlike me, however, who flaunts his status as a Superior being, unafraid of any retaliation you feeble creatures may attempt to confront me with, the Kugagulons attempt to disguise themselves as docile things. Most take the route of pretending to be domestic pets. The two pictured above are actually attempting to pass themselves off as blossoms of earthly plantlife. Even inferior human eyes can easily see though such a cheap disguise, but still misinterpret what they see as cute little doggies dressed up for play.

Honestly, between you humans and the Kugagulons, it's difficult to see which is the stupider race.

And then I remember that at least the Kugagulons have trained you to pick up their excrement for them. Humans lose again.

Yahoo's Most Poopular: GoGirl

As a student of human behavior, from time to time I enjoy checking in on Yahoo's Most Popular listings to see what topics and images you poop machines are currently finding to be the most mentally stimulating. It's always an illuminating experience about the level of human intelligence and culture.

Here's the photo that is currently the most popularly circulated:



The caption: "A perfect stocking stuffer for active women, GoGirl allows the simple convenience of taking bathroom breaks standing up in situations where restrooms are unfit or nonexistent."


Astonishing. I pity you poor creatures and how you are enslaved to your own biological inefficiencies. The first thing I don't understand about this is how with your constant need to excrete waste matters you apparently have not built an adequate supply of urine receptacle stations. The second thing I don't understand, is how you have allowed your few urine to become in such a state of disrepair that they are considered unfit next to the option of excreting through a funnel into a soda can.


Finally, couldn't you just buy a funnel and a soda can? Particularly since that option would not include writing on the side that indicates to anyone who sees it that you're carrying your own pee holder around with you.