NINJA ASSASSIN
This movie keeps billing itself as the best Ninja movie ever made. Was that a hard title to earn? Kind of sounds like being the toughest kid in the chess club.
Also, do you know what Ninjas are? Assassins. This is like titling a law enforcement movie “Officer Police Cop.”
THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON
Look, I’m an alien, not a pre-teen girl. Or a 30-year-old-woman with the taste of a pre-teen girl.
I know I’m being particularly pedantic this week, even for me, but it actually takes more than having more than one part to properly be called “a saga.” That’s not even a quality judgment, it’s just a reminder that words actually have specific meanings.
Also, it is a quality judgment.
SERIOUS MOONLIGHT
Yet another romance/werewolf movie in which Meg Ryan falls in love with Timothy Hutton, turns into a werewolf and then eats him. OK, I’m just guessing all this based on looking at the poster right now. Go ahead and tell me, though, that you really know that’s not what this movie is. Have you seen it? Will anyone? No and no. This is a movie we ALL have no intention of seeing.
Probably they should’ve gone with the damn werewolves.
TRANSYLMANIA
From the team that brought you a bunch of movies that no one has ever seen before, comes this allegedly hilarious spoof about students in a monster-fighting school in which they IBOOINLDASD LXOAI DHZMJZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Oh, I’m sorry. I fell asleep on my keyboard for a minute there.
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