Yahoo's Most Poopular: Burkey

THIS, dear readers, this is precisely why I am so fascinated by the Yahoo's Most Popular Feature. Think of the myriad possibilities for photographic presentation even on your unpalatable planet: occurrences of nature's splendor, informative instances of newsworthy topics, other members of your species that you somehow are able to find physically desirous.

But instead of any of these things, what photograph is currently attracting the most attention of humans, eyes, hearts and minds? This one:


A photograph of turkey, wrapped in bacon.

There is nothing the human race would rather look at at this precise moment in history than the cooked carcass of a fowl, sheathed in salty stripes of flash from a slain swine.

What must it be like to be a member of a species that must ingest food to live, yet constantly craves food that will hasten your demise? How do you endure this inner turmoil? Does it make you hate yourselves as much as I hate you? I think it must do.

So while your Earthen economy crumbles, human vs. human wars rage across your globe, please continue to use your feeble mental facilities to find new things to wrap bacon around. It amuses me to see you suffer so.